What Are They Thinking?
by Alinka
Summary: Ever wondering what's Moon Ho thinking when he spoke to Min Ja? Ever wondering what occupies Young Shin thoughts when she daydreamed through her days? Ever wondering how Jung Hoo's mind operates when he woke up? These are versions of what their thoughts might be in those situations.
1. Chapter 1 - Moon Ho

_I can't breathe. I'm not allowed to, and I'm not able to deviate from the being that disabled me from breathing. I can't._

 _Dark. Four in the morning. Never mind that I'd fell asleep at 12 last night. It's always like this. It is like the day will not come if I don't endure a nightmare first. I cherish the sunlight, and I curse the sunset, for it is the source of night. For night is the time I should be sleeping. For sleeping is the time when my past haunts me, when it comes and bites me in the back. Reminding me of my fault, of my eternal sin. I've committed a crime. I held back something that I had no right on holding in the first place. I've known, and I still hadn't told those that deserve to know of that. Silence is my crime, and I've been imprisoned in the nightmares it brought for the last twenty years._

With self-brewed espresso in right hand and my briefcase in my left hand, I stroll through the hallway to the office. Actually, the office consists of a wide, open area with rows of cubicles, enough to let you hide your head if you bow but not enough to cover you when you don't. It is to that place where I am heading right now. Although with the way my assistant, also a close _hoobae_ of mine, running in my direction, it'll take longer to reach my cubicle.

" _Sunbae_ , it's chaos right now! Why are you coming just now?"

"What do you mean?"

"The Chief wants to speak to you. In her office. Like right now. It looks like this time they won't let it go easily."

It seems that they're still hung up on my insistence to speak of the burned man from Soo Sun Company who was unjustly fired. Well, I can't exactly let him down. The man burned himself, for God's sake, just to be heard. His wife even stated that he waited for me to speak up, even if speaking consists of changing questions and answers on papers. My conscience wouldn't let me rest if I let that unaired. It's enough that I got ONE thing occupying my nightmares, I don't need another matter to plague me down for another twenty years. I do want the first matter to be resolved in a close time, picturing myself sending an email to a certain email address last night.

I hurry myself to Min Jae office, or should I say the Chief's office. We go a long way back, she and I.

" _Moon Ho, here." She spoke to me whilst handing a can of beer._

" _Ah, my dear Min Jae. What am I going to do without you?" I answered, taking the can she offered._

" _You would be so thin, you would no longer be attractive."_

" _You think of me highly huh? I'm so flattered, the flower of ABS trainees this year thought of me as attractive."_

" _There you go again, wiggling your eyebrows. I'm not going to fall for that. Where's the script you want to present?"_

We fell into easy routine only after meeting for the first time. It is THAT easy. Not that there was anything that prevented us from being the opposite way with each other, but it is not everyday stuff where you can found someone you can click with on the first meeting.

"Min-Jae yaaa. To what do I owe you this pleasure?" I said, turning my _aegyo_ full force.

"I'm your Chief."

"Alright, Chief Kang. I heard you were calling for me."

"Look at what you've done." She said that while turning the laptop to my side.

I see. Now she is going to reprimand me for going off-script.

"Chief Kang, I have spent three months of my time for the research in this matter. You do know as well as I do that it would have been a waste to not use the result in a broadcast."

"Reporter Moon, you must have also known as well as I do that despite all that, when your Chief stated that it should not be aired or it should be aired in a certain way, you should have complied."

Alright, she got me there.

"Whatever your reason is, the fact remains that you've overstepped your boundaries, again, and this time it's not going to be good for both you and I."

"Min Jae- _ya_ -"

"From now on, you'll be under my direct supervision. Everything you're speaking on the show will be scripted, and each result of your research will have to be going to me before it will be aired."

"But where's the fun in that? And need I remind you that it is a live show?"

"That's because you won't be in a live show anymore."

"Come on, Min Jae-Chief…It's such a thrill to be going on air in a live show. I like it so much."

"You should have thought more before spouting off whatever floats your boat. You should have remembered that it is not only you that matters in that show. My credibility, and the show's credibility even the station's is not looking so good right now. It is downright bad. This is my damage control." When she looks at me with those grounded, yet shining eyes of hers, I can't help but thinking to what had gone wrong between us in the first place. She was, and still is, _beautiful_.

"Min Jae _ya_ …I'm-"

"Your brother's here, in the President's room."

A sudden flash of dread fills my chest.

"What do you mean?"

"Huh, how come you look paler when you heard that compared to the possibility of being fired?"

I don't think it's prudent to tell her that the mere mention of my brother has never been good news. My brother. HUH. I understand where she comes from, it is not like it is a common thing around that whenever you hear your brother's name, you got your nerve stroked. No, it has never been a good thing.

I hope that she's not too offended by the fact that I wrote my resignation on her coffee cardboard holder. I'll have to make a formal one later, after I _finish_ this. I spotted my brother with his secretary and his chauffeur whilst I leaned against the pillar. There's no need to call him out as he had turned to me, smiling. That smile of him, how different it feels now that I'm aware of what he is capable of.

"I heard you've met my company's President." I give him an opening while the car's rushing through the Seoul's road.

"I told him, I need Reporter Kim Moon Ho. Please give him to me."

"What do you mean?"

"It is been high time for you to cross the water to me."

"What are you doing, _hyung_? I thought we swim on different water. Don't tell me, you want me to inherit your newspaper company? This is life, _hyung_ , not a drama. I'm not your son."

"You are my son. You know that Myung Hee and I don't have a child of our own. To us, you are like our son."

His delusion apparently has gone sky high.

"Hyung, I'm not your son." I said in my low, no-nonsense tone. "I'm also not Myung Hee nuna's son. Don't tempt me. I'm not, and never will be one. You know what will happen if you keep on doing that right?"

" _Imma_."

"I'll rebel, hyung. It's not going to be pretty."

I don't need to glance at him to know that he's frustrated. Unconsciously, I spot myself sporting a smirk in the window's reflection. It feels nice to know that I have the upper hand for once, and I swear to myself, if this is what it takes to keep my nightmare at bay, I would. Even if it means crossing hyung. Even if it means digging old wounds. Even if it means…letting go of the safety net I've held for so long.

 _A slice of Kim Moon Ho, Healer, Episode 3_


	2. Chapter 2 - Young Shin

_To think that it all started with this. My recklessness may be visible to some as a hindrance, but I saw it as a defense. I'm reckless enough to forego two hours of precious sleep just to think about who I am, never mind that I have to run for 10 minutes to catch the bus in the morning. I'm reckless enough to chase after a thief who ransacked my backpack, cover the door with a pole and call the police while I am at it. I'm reckless enough to stop a suicide attempt with a sad story of my own. I'm reckless enough to bring said woman with failed suicide attempt to my house. I'm reckless enough to post an article of famed politician on the rise regarding his scandal with an unknown actress, which happened to be the woman bothering my humble abode that is my room. I'm reckless enough, to send an email to the so-called thief, who turns out to be a night errand boy, requesting a date._

* * *

I'm scared. My heart's been beating faster than usual ever since I stepped out of a bath. I know I'm not supposed to do this, but what can I do when all I think about was how his hand felt on my hand, how his chest felt under my palm or how I could feel his breath on my nose when he spoke to me.

" _I told you, don't trust anybody."_

"Ne _?"_

" _Be even more careful of the people around you."_

I guess I should have been relieved when the memory finally took a backseat sometimes ago. Who the heck am I kidding? I'm nowhere near relieved. It only took a backseat because a new memory has taken the front seat, in full throttle.

It is currently the WORST and the BEST day I have in my life. I was tricked into thinking that Moon Ho _Sunbae_ wanted to meet me on the rooftop of some building. Someone, or something, wanted to literally take my breath away forever. Now remembering it makes me angry, if I met the responsible party I'm going to… Not only that, they also made me afraid of going inside an elevator for a whole month! The pain I went through after going down the stairs from 39th floor, now that was no joke either.

It was also the best day of my life, because…because…

 _Ack_! Now I have to re-apply the eye shadow once again.

Where was I? Umm, it was also the best day of my life because Healer was there with me. While I was running high on adrenaline and worry since he could have been killed because of me, he also made my blood tension went even higher by doing something out of imagination.

 _I'm running out of breath. It's cold, and I'm still trying to comprehend the life and death situation I've just gotten myself out of. Or rather, Healer had gotten me out of it. I want to thank him more than just a saying, but what can a broke reporter like me give to him. I know that_ Sunbae _probably give him more than I can gather in a year, but it's me he was saving. I ought to do something in return. Alas, I can only stand in resolute silence while listening to his shoes crushing the snow flakes, getting clearer and clearer. Wait, clearer? Why does it-_

 _Oh. Chapped, cold lips descended on my own. Coaxing, inviting and guiding unlike previous kisses I've received in the past. It's exhilarating in a wholly other level. I'm running high on adrenaline again, only this time I'm elated to share it with him. He still doesn't speak, and I can feel nothing but falling snow on my palms when I reach out to him. He is gone along with a gust of wind, but his warmth remains. In my shoulders where he held me, in my lips where he kissed me._

I know the situation was far from romantic. We were both still high on adrenaline rush and the weather was so cold it turned out to be two sets of chapped lips meeting each other rather than a consummated one. It was the best kiss of my life. It IS still the best, because now I know his heart. Now I know my assumption of him doing everything out of money is false. He was involved, and judging from the way my guts telling me to move onward with my "date" plan despite the inexistence of his response to my email, he is still very much involved in this. Although probably not as much as I am.

It is very much the same feeling I have when I went home from _Sunbae_ 's house the night after the elevator accident. My spidey sense is tingling in a pleasant way, and I know that he is watching me, somewhere. I am convinced that he is with me when I am walking on the bridge, seeing other couples hugging in envy. He is with me when I am eating a fishcake on a street stall, staring enviously at a couple who argue their way to love regarding their snacks preferences. Then again, I'm not so sure when I wait, and wait, and wait in front of the ticket booths of the cinema. I probably look so pathetic standing there until the attendant told me that it is time for them to close off.

I stepped out of the darkened cinema, resigned to the fate that maybe my date extends only to this, when I heard the circling door coming back to life. It seems to say "Come here". Who am I to refuse? I am trying to contain my giddiness when I step inside the door, looking around in darkness. It takes quite a while to find the right theater door, but oh my, it is worth squeezing my eyes in the dark.

The little candles lighting up the corridor to the theater door lead me to the theater door, and when I open the door, I am greeted with a lamp and a cute bunny doll on a side table inside the cinema. I seat myself and drape the blanket over my lap, holding the bunny doll in my hand. I nearly jump off of my seat when there is a sound coming out of it. It is so cute it takes all my might not to pinch its cheeks, never mind that it is actually a doll. I am being asked what I would want to watch, and I mutter that I want the movie with the longest running time for a completely shallow reason. I want to feel this anticipation a little bit longer. I want to feel his presence even longer.

 _Creak_! My heart skips a beat when I heard the door creaked and shoes tapping on a wooden floor can be heard throughout the cinema. If that's not even clear, the tingling I usually sport whenever he is near me has intensified tenfold. He's here. He's really here. What should I do? Do I look okay? Do I have a makeup smear in my face? Do I have fishcake smell on my mouth? Shall I look around at him? _Otteoke_?!

When I finally muster the nerve to look at his direction, the lights dimmed and the movie starts.

I only just realized that the movie is now over. I see the credit title on the screen with a new sense of trepidation. I should have used the movie to drink his presence, because who knows when will I'm going to get this kind of chance again? I mentally berate myself. Stupid Chae Young Shin!

I stand up to head to the door while thinking, this is it. This is the end of tonight. The end of my midsummer night dream. Now that I've got what I wish for, he will disappear again, right? He will.

I heave a resolute sigh. I'm so not going to admit that I'm sad. No, I'm not sad. No…

A hand grabbed my left wrist. My spidey sense tingles even more. Is this him? Am I feeling him holding my hand again? This must be him. This must be. The hand on my wrist moves, going down to my palm. Even before it cups my palm, the sense of safety reaches my core. When his palm meets my palm, I feel my trepidation slipped away. And when our fingers intertwined, I feel grounded now more than ever. With each knuckles touching, I can feel him speaks his reassurance. _It is alright. I will always watch your back. You don't have to worry senselessly_. The corners of my mouth turn upward. I reply that _I'm alright. I believe that you will always have my back. And I believe, that whenever I'm worried about you, you will always find a way to dissolve it_. I believe in you, Healer.

When our knuckles touched for the last, when our palms said our unspoken goodbyes, when the shifted air around our hands took your warmth away, I feel resolved. Instead of being eaten away with his inexistence, I choose to feel that I'm in a waiting period, waiting for him to come back and surprise me again. Instead of being apprehensive of what might lie in front of me in the future, I choose to feel safe now that he is watching my back. I am no longer a scared, kiddy Chae Young Shin in a cupboard, waiting to be hit with a pole. I am a smart and brave Chae Young Shin, who has embraced her inner self and ready to move forward. Until we meet again…Healer.

 _A slice of Chae Young Shin, Healer, episode 11_


	3. Chapter 3 - Young Shin

Blood. There are so many bloods. Imagine trying to find a treasure by following a set of clues. Instead of being elated at finding clues, I feel dread filling my chest like bottles being filled with tap water. I grow wearier with each smudge spotted everywhere, on the ledges, on the ground, on the steps like water filling the bottle to its neck. The dread may as well drown me in buckets like it goes over the bottle's brim when I spot splotches of blood near the corner. The weariness topples over me when I see boots peeking behind the far corner of my right. NO! PARK BONG SOO!

I can only pace frantically while they put him into the gurney. No Bong Soo ya, you can't be like this. I know I may be a bad _Sunbae_ , always getting you into a trouble, but please, Bong Soo-ya, you can't bail on me. Bong Soo-ya…

The emergency staffs in the ambulance ensure me that it is only his left arm that gets hurt, nowhere near his vital organs. Though so, I can't seem to find it in me to feel less worried after hearing that. Another reassurance flies over my head as I see them put Bong Soo on a bed in emergency ward. They do say that it is a thankful occasion as he has muscles that prevent the wound from getting deeper, but it is not their colleague, not their making-my-heart-goes-unexplainably-pitter-patter colleague, on the bed right? I can't even describe how much worry I go through until I can finally see that he is as fine as he can be in his sleep.

It is only now that I remember our previous engagement with Detective Yoon. It feels like eons ago, despite the fact that it may as well only passed a couple of hours earlier.

" _Ye_ , Yoon- _hyeongsa-nim_. I am Chae Young Shin."

"Oh, Chae Young Shin- _gija_. It seems that I am unable to meet you today."

"It is alright, Detective. We also have something happening on our side right now, hence the reason I called you."

"Alright, then I assume I will give you a call later to presume our meeting?"

"Please, that would be convenient. Have a nice day, Detective."

I end the call and re-enter the emergency unit. Seeing Bong Soo lay up on the bed, I can't seem to be able to recall any moment that got me so confused more than the present time. He is in different attire than the last time I was with him in a car. Now that I see him, I am getting even more uncertain of the Park Bong Soo that I know. He looks like a Park Bong Soo to me, physically, but at the same time, I am well aware that the man sleeping in front of me may as well be an entirely different person.

"Bong Soo ya…are you okay, now?"

 _He looks so pale lying there_.

"Bong Soo ya, there was a woman calling me earlier, telling me to find you."

 _Who is she? How did she know your location? Is she your mother?_

"Bon g Soo ya, what are you doing in that cold place?"

 _I have so many questions in my head right now. What are you doing when you storm out like that? Why do you look like you have someone chasing after you? How could you end up being up there? Alone, out cold? What would have happened to you had I not be there?_

"Bong Soo ya…. It is time to wake up don't you think?"

 _I need you to be awake, Bong Soo ya. I know I have many questions, but you have to be awake first. You have to be alright first. You have to._

"Bong Soo ya…"

I hover closer to his face, at first trying to see whether it is a flutter of eyelids I see. Although I have to confess that seeing his face up close, looking so serenely sleeping despite the circumstances that brought him that sleep, makes me realize that he is truly a feast for the eyes. How can a man have lashes that long? It really is unfair. Chae Young Shin, is this the time to even think about how handsome that man look? Disregarding the fact that it is A FACT, he should be-

Wait, is that his eyes fluttering? His eyes flutter open, but I do think that this must be one of the reflexes. OMO! _Jinjja-ne_. His eyes are really opening on its own accord, although I can only see a slit instead of fully opened eyes. I am about to call a doctor when I see his hand raised in my direction.

 _What is it Bong Soo ya?_

"Chae..Young..Shin.." he said in a low, raspy voice.

 _Do you want me to hold your hand? Alright._

I grasp his hand, intend to appease his apparent, unconscious will.

 _Anything, Bong Soo ya…Anything…For you to be awake._

I sit there for a moment, my left hand grasped in his left hand, wondering why do the tingles at the back of my head gets more irritating now than ever. It starts slow, like small ripples on the pool. However, it intensifies the longer I sit there. Wait a minute…These are the pleasant ones, not the ones I get in peril. A flashback strikes in front of my eyes.

" _This is my father's clothes. It may have been too big but I guess this will do."_

 _Just then the clothes slip out of my hand. Get a grip of yourself, Young Shin-ah._

" _Ah, my bad. Sorry."_

 _I intend to pick up the clothes I dropped by bowing down, only Bong Soo also thinks similarly. Our hands meet in the air, a mere distance from each other. Only the tips of my fingers that touch his palm, but my oh my. The feelings that run through me are like none other, like the one I only ever experienced…_

" _Wait! Give me your hands." I said in reflex, staring at his left hand with my father's fallen clothes in it._

 _It takes quite a while for him to give me his hand. And when he did, I seize it directly like the impatient person that I am. I grip his hand, like people holding theirs while shaking hands. I am about to interlock our fingers when my conscious returns. The heck am I doing right now? What kind of wild things were they if Bong Soo is the man I think he is? NO. It is way too farfetched and I have officially turned the situation awkward. I mutter a half-assed sentence that I myself don't even sure about._

Like a slideshow, another one strikes me immediately after the first one.

" _Wait. How do you know?"_

 _An awkward Bong Soo looks back at me._

" _Know what?"_

" _My meds. That I take two of them whenever I have a fit. How do you know?"_

" _Isn't that the norm? I mean, the custom… that meds are supposed to be taken in two's. Yes, in two, I mean two pills, hehe…"_

I should have known. I should have noticed. I shouldn't have ignored the nagging feeling I got at that time.

In shock, I simultaneously pull my hand out of Bong Soo's. The realization comes through me, coursing through my body like a thunder. Is he truly who I think he is? I thought I still stare at him in shock, only being a traitor that Chae Young Shin's body is, I only just realized that I am running through the hospital, going to Bong Soo's car.

My minds are literally divided in two, one in denial or not believing that Bong Soo may have been lying to me all the time and one is in my reporter stand, going through all the facts diligently and not-so-subtly shoving it in front of my eyes. I will be forever grateful that I remember to call a tow truck earlier and have it towed to the hospital.

I can't believe it, the awkward- _banmal_ -speaking Bong Soo, the comfortable-to-rely-to Bong Soo, lie to me. What the heck am I doing right now, I have no idea. I only have the slightest motion to find something, to confirm something. I start rummaging the space in between front seats, knowing full well that the unease I felt a moment earlier has intensified. Aish, no not this. Alas, this is not too.

 _Knock knock._ The sound of an object hitting the inside of a small container is what stops me from going further. I can feel my jaw hitting the floor as I stare at the object in front of me. It is a paper star.

 _Please don't tell me…_

The proof is currently in front of me, glaring. Daring me to think otherwise. To think other than if it is not Bong Soo that followed me when I walked home from Moon Ho Sunbae's house, that I better get my eyes checked. I remembered pouring my hearts out for him, taking my frustration on making some paper stars with cold hands and chilled tears.

It was like the rooftop once again. With me thinking that he shouldn't do what he did, what he shouldn't say. That he offered himself to me, in any form I want, for a long time, next to me. The memory is on rewind the entire time I zombie-walked to the ER, apprehensive to the fact that I hope he is not awake yet. I need more time to stomach this entire…situation! I am a ticking bomb, and I can feel the seconds ticking by as loud as my footsteps.

It seems that I may not be granted what I want since I see him sitting upright on his bed, talking casually to a slender, thin woman. I am still not ready to face him, yet here he is, catching me from the tail of his eyes. I must have been spouting nonsense out of my mouth, yet it somehow makes sense as Bong Soo introduces the woman as his _hoobae_.

"Did you have a good sleep?"

"Yes, I did. I heard you brought me here, Sunbae."

"Well…"

"I…had a good dose of sleeping pills and I must have lost consciousness…"

It's hard to swallow the lies he's feeding me, but I can see that it is also hard for him to formulate the lies.

 _Why are you doing this, Bong Soo ya?_

 _Forgive me, Chae Young Shin._

He made a move to go to the door separating the emergency unit and the general area of hospital.

My heart clenches at the sight of it.

 _What are you doing, Chae Young Shin?!_

HE WAS ABOUT TO LEAVE ME AGAIN!

"Bong Sook-ah…"

The word I was about to speak suddenly is caught in my throat, barely escaping the confines of my mouth.

"You'll still…be there right?"

His gaze contains things I don't think I'm ready to digest at the moment. Desperation, frustration and dare I say it, longing?

"Tomorrow, you'll come to the office…right?"

" _Ne_."

My visions blurred with tears, my nose is blocked with mucus I know will make its existence known in a short while and I can't bring myself to stop the hot streams from crossing my cheek, obeying the law of gravity.

 _Why…Why…Bong Sook-ah…Why?_

 _A Slice of Chae Young Shin, Healer, episode 13_


	4. Chapter 5 - Jeong Hoo

_She's so beautiful. Oh who am I kidding? Beautiful doesn't even describe her. She's WAY more than just beautiful. She's graceful yet clumsy, she's reckless yet patient, and she's all that good adjectives and so much more. She is my anchor. The island in the sea of uncertainty._

 _Aish_ , it's so cold I can't even- I could have cared less of how many times have passed since then. It could be hours, days even, yet I'm still rooted to the fact that _Sabu_ is no longer here. No longer in this world. He left me, or rather I made him left me. It was because of me that he came here, that he confronted Moon Shik that bastard, that he went in my stead to the police. It should have been me dead in his place. Thinking about it first thing after opening my eyes makes me feel dizzy-wait. What the…Why does the light's on? - I know I left it dark before I went to sleep sometimes ago. And is that clanking utensils I heard?

My mind must have played something on me. I must be hallucinating. I see Chae Young Shin walking to me, in my clothes (which look bloody good on her), while bringing a ladle.

"O o, what are you doing awake? Here, try this. I'm trying to make egg porridge. How does it taste?"

Now my dream Young Shin speaks. What the-

"What kind of dream is this?" unconsciously I wipe my face, like by doing that the dream Young Shin will disappear. No such (bad) luck.

"I'm taking a personal leave today at work. So I'll stay here until tomorrow. Here, taste this." She said while taking the ladle to my mouth.

I still can't comprehend the fact that she is here. How could she come here? More importantly, who told her? No one knows I live here, except…

"How could you get in here? What are you doing in this place? Tell me." I grabbed her wrist in panic, well as panic as I can when I'm this weak.

"Aaaaa, it hurts." I let go of her hand in shock.

Apparently even in this state, I can still hurt her. What am I doing? This is not a dream. I should keep her away from here, from me, from everything that can hurt her.

"Chae Young Shin, you should leave. Or did you not remember the way out? Do you want me to take you out?"

"I told you I'm staying here. It's so dark outside now. I've spent the majority of the day looking for your place, the sun has set long ago. Once the sun rises tomorrow, I'll leave first thing in the morning. Do understand that."

She takes the ladle to her mouth, stating that it's salty she got to add waters to it.

Her display of domesticity wrings my heart even more, knowing that I'll never be the receiving end of it. Not if I want to do what is right for her. Right, this is for her and her only. _Your wellbeing is nothing compared to hers, so man up._

"Chae Young Shin. Do you not understand a thing that I said? This is not where you should be. What you see, where you are now, you should forget it. Accept that it does not exist. Do you hear me?"

She stopped. The rigidity of her shoulder makes me regret spouting what was the most blatant lie I've ever managed in my life.

"Is that the real you? Park Bong Soo will never do that. You're quite scary."

I sigh in resignation. What do I expect? It will not going to be easy to chase her out.

She brings me to the sofa, the only place closed to resembling dining table in my house. She has no idea, does she? How many nights spent in this place, eating countless takeout without any further thought. How this single night with her beside me, trying to feed me porridge, has crumbled those nights away. There's no way I'm going to be able to return to those nights of eating junk foods alone. Even if the porridge has too many water in it, it is still the best dinner she ever cooked for me.

Alright, Seo Jung Hoo, you are stronger than this. You've managed to disarm eleven people in a single fight, you should have been able to master the nerve to get her out of here.

Knowing that further talks will only end up in me losing to her, I make a move toward her jacket and bag. Huh, even the way her jacket drapes over my computer chair looks appropriate. The heck am I thinking, this is what being nutrition-deprived for a week does to you. After taking her jacket and bag, strengthening my nerve along the way, I notice that she also had put together my disassembled phone, straightening my watch and ring, too. This can't go on. Any further than this and I am a goner.

I march straight to her, practically forcing her to wear her long coat and bag and push her towards the door. Alas, she manages to dodge me and run to the vicinity of my bed, instead. She is. just. so. stubborn! I swear if I'm not weak, I would have taken her into my arms and bring her out of here myself.

"You come to my house and stay there whenever you want. I only want to stay here for a night. You can't be like this, seriously. I am not leaving."

Along with her shedding her coat and bag, a layer of my defense crumbles.

It took quite an effort out of me to get my head up and stare at her. I can do this. I can let her see that this is not how it is supposed to be.

"Aren't you afraid?"

"I am not afraid of you."

Another layer crumbles.

"Do you even have the slightest idea of the things I hide from you?"

"I don't care."

"Are you stupid?"

"Don't send me away. If you do, you will cry for the rest of your life."

It is probably visible in my face on how close that one struck to heart. Even with her so close, I can already feel the looming separation between us. I can't bring myself to imagine on how it would be to live without seeing her face, without hearing her chiding me to eat, or worse, without hearing her speaking to me directly like this. IT F*CKING HURTS.

However, I try to maintain the last layer of my defense. I'm not me if not stubborn. She can deal with other reasons, fine. I will tell her the truth, then.

"I can get you hurts."

Please, Young-Shin ah, please understands…

"No. You won't get me hurts. No matter what."

What little left of my defense crumbles. I take tentative steps toward her, taking her wrist in my hand, savoring what may be the last time I'm holding her hand. She has to be out of here before I give up and gather her in my arms. Oh, how I want to.

 _Young shin-ah, please…Before I throw caution to the wind…_

She does just the right action in opposite way of what I want.

She hugs me.

"Don't send me away." She's so warm…

"Don't do that." I'm no match for her.

I cry right then and there.

I cry for _Sabu_ , who had spent many portions of his life raising me with his own way. He might not raise me like any conventional parent, but he was there and he had done his job right. He did all that and what did I give back to him? Nothing but tantrum. I always managed to spat insults and I never even sit and have a meal with him.

I cry for my father, whose existence in afterlife is forever marred with unjust scandal most likely inflicted by his own friend. I need to clear his name before I even have any chance to start anything with Young Shin. Yes, for her. For her to accept me just as Seo Jung Hoo.

Speaking of Young shin, why is she pulling away? Have I done something? I see her beautiful face coming closer and closer. Looking into her eyes, I now understand why she is so adamant on staying here.

 _You need me_.

 _Yes, I need you_.

 _I need you, too._

 _You could have lived so well without me._

 _I could, but I would rather not._

 _Why?_

 _Because it would be a life without you._

 _I should have tried harder to keep you out._

 _I would have tried harder to stay._

 _Now, you're stuck with me._

 _Yes, and I can't be happier than this._

 _Chae Young Shin, I'm sorry._

 _I'm not._

She kisses me. Charging, but soft. Demanding, but gentle. Who am I to refuse this wonderful being? I tighten my hold on her. She is my lifeline. Now that she is here, I can't go back to my solitude. I need her, and she needs me to protect her.

 _A slice of Seo Jung Hoo, Healer, Episode 14_


	5. Chapter 6 - Young Shin

_Aish_ , the eggs look a bit runny, but it will be going inside the soup in a minute so there is no difference. The rice's been cooked and the side dishes ready. All that's left is the soup. If only…don't. He is such a poor guy. Lost in a sea of mistakes not of his origin. Not able to experience what it was like to grow with friends and warm home-cooked food. I am not going to be mad. Now the cornstarch, but my left neck.. No, don't be mad. He deserves this much and more. He probably hasn't even experienced what it's like to sag against his mother feet while she was cooking like I did. I settle to shuffle backward to ease him off of my shoulder. Now that the cornstarch is added, leave it to boil for a while. _Aigoo_ , my head!

Now that I'm thinking about it, it really was a struggle to find his house. I spent almost a whole day trying to find it in the building, never mind the fact that I alighted from the taxi at nine in the morning. I even skipped breakfast and lunch because of that. I did not feel hungry since my stomach was full of dread the entire time I searched. Is he okay? Is it true that he hasn't eaten anything for a week? What if he fainted in his sleep? I was practically sick from the worry alone. To find him here enclosed in his blanket, too thick to move around yet too thin to warm him up. I can't even…I snuggle even deeper in his embrace, from both the temperature and the worry of what could have been.

Like he is able to read my mind, his arms moves, tightening his hold around my waist. Hmm, sleeping Bong Soo is certainly a sight. His arched nose, his five o'clock shadow, and his closed eyes look fascinating being laminated by the bed lamp we'd left on in our hastiness. I can't decide whether I should ruin this view by getting up in search of clothes. I glance around the semi dark room, trying to locate the clothes I wore earlier. I can't exactly look behind my back, but I spot it at the corner of my eyes. Draped again on the chair, and that's not even what I'm looking for. It's my clothes, the only pair I have for working tomorrow. I can feel my eyes turn to slit as I look at the man beside me. _Dank_ him, making me feel myriads of emotions in mere minutes. One minute I want to hug him, and the next I want to pinch him for throwing my (his) clothes to God knows where.

Deciding that even Bong Soo-shaped heater in bed still doesn't provide enough warmth, I risk moving around and take his arms away from my waist. He really loves to snuggle, doesn't he? I've managed to get out of his embrace (such a pity, really) and replace myself with a pillow. He directly hugs it. Huh, now don't be such a silly girl, Young Shin, are you seriously jealous of a pillow? I look around once again and decide to just snatch a new one from his cupboard. The used one is completely far gone as I have ruined it on the porridge I ate with him last night.

Now what to wear? I ponder while looking at his array of clothes. Man's closet is surprisingly identical. All's black, dark blue and stripes of white. Doesn't he have any other color than that? I spot a single folded, white, long-sleeved shirt that looks warm enough. This will do.

"Done rummaging my closet?"

 _Omo!_

"You scared me."

He smirks back at me sleepily, motioning me to come with his arms open wide.

How can I refuse that?

I half run to his bed, eager to be embraced again.

"You don't want to wear anything? It's surprisingly cold here."

Not that I mind his very warm, very bare chest. Nope.

"Because you left, I was surprised by the sudden draft of cold. Now that you here, I'm not that cold anymore."

"So you just miss me because I warm you up? You little…"

"I don't mean it in that way. Let's just go back to sleep."

There he goes again, making me weak by burrowing me into his arms. Sleepiness combined to cold temperature is way better than a sleeping pill, I guess. Here I come, dreamland.

I'm swimming in the land between consciousness and sleeping. It's so soft and warm, but it is so bright. Ugh, it is so bright and I still don't want to wake up yet. Let's roll around…Thank goodness. Umm, can the pillow moves? I want to sleep on the pillow again but it is so bright on that side…Here it comes, the pillow. It's warm again, but how can the pillow moves? No, pillow, I love you and all but I don't want to roll around to face the brightness again…But you're so warm and comfy I have no choice left, right? I roll around and it's warm and soft again. Hmm, burrowing into the pillow is good.

Light seeps into my sight, making consciousness creeps inside me. Where is the pillow when I need it? I reach across the sheet, surprised to find an empty space. I have to ask Bong Soo what kind of sheet he use and where to buy it. Then again, I may not want to wake up if my sheet is this soft. Might as well wake up now, I think while stretching my hands up. What's that? Whoa.

My left hand hits something hard above me, and I can say that this is a sight I want to be awoken to everyday if I can help it. The sunshine falls on his left side, casting shadows on his right side, down to his wife beater. His jaw, his nose and his lips are all highlighted wonderfully, and I save the best for the last. His eyes, dear God, Bong Soo stares at me like I was all dolled up and beautiful, not just-waking-up Young Shin with a probably crinkly face after rolling around on his bed. Feeling bashful, I duck under the cover once again. Only it doesn't last too long because he also dives under the cover after that.

Doesn't anyone tell him that morning breath is not sexy at all? I put my palm over my mouth when he moved closer to kiss me. I narrow my eyes at him when I smell mints. The man cheats, no wonder he wants a kiss. Nope, like I would actually allow him to smell my dragon breaths. He smirks, like he is able to read my mind, when I move farther from him under the cover. He snakes his hands around my waist and…wait for it…tickles me. He actually tickles me. We laugh together for a while, amongst tickles and dim sunlight that goes through. I am too busy avoiding his tickles when he catches me off guard. In what can only be described as ninja moves, he put his arms around me, therefore effectively caging both hands on the sides, and charge forward. I can't say I regret the little (alright, probably not so little) making out ensuing after that, although he probably finds out that my morning breath is not to be taken lightly.

I pull back the cover to put an end to my morning breath and preferably other foul-smelling bodily odors, but he apparently has another plan.

"Where are you going?"

"You cheat."

"What?! I never cheat."

"You just did. You have your teeth brushed while I'm not."

"Just for brushing teeth then?"

God…How can he even make lounging lazily on the bed look a lot like a photo-shoot? I may be a news reporter now, but I was first a(n) (veteran) entertainment reporter. I am not foreign to handsome entertainers littering around my workspace, or even my scope. It is another matter entirely with this man, though. There is something about him that makes me go gaga every time I'm with him, be it literally or figuratively. He's so much more than just good looks, although I can't say that his look doesn't matter. I am still a woman, I have urges too. It is just that when he acts all cocky like this, I have to beat down an urge to scream Park Bong Soo. Where is the modest, scaredy-cat, bumbling Bong Soo? I may still call him Bong Soo, but the man in front of me now is definitely not Bong Soo.

I choose to ignore his question and head to the bathroom, all the while thinking of how much I miss Bong Soo, never mind that the real, suave one is in front of me.

This concrete place may be as cold as outside, but the shower is heavenly warm. I feel better after shower, feeling the residue of hot water on my head as I dry it up. Since I'm so used to walk while drying my head in a towel, I don't see him going in my direction. He comes smack dab in front of me, steering me none too gently to the full length mirror I pass earlier. I can feel my head shaking a little due to him drying my hair. Wait a minute, what is all this too familiar feeling? I have my eyes covered by the towel, but my lower face is visible to him. My heart rate spikes again. It feels familiar, but this is an entirely different situation. Now that I know who he is, I'm not going to spend a time longer than completely necessary to see his face. I intend to pull the towel all the way off of my face, but I am awestruck on the sight that greets me until it stops just above my nose.

OMO HIS EYES. If one could melt from the intensity alone, I would. Now if only I could bottle that intensity and use it whenever he is not near me. I have no idea how many times pass between us like that, but I decide to stop communicating what I want to do with my eyes. I take it to my hands literally and do what he would have done earlier have I not pull the towel off earlier. He is more than happy to reciprocate.

It's blue. Like bluish blue, and it looks hot as hot as it can be. Which is a good news compared to the cold weather we're subjected now. I stare at it like I stare at Healer-err Bong Soo-err whoever he is- picture at home. I see it from the right first, trying to decipher what the land must look like from the side. I see it from the left next, figuring out whether it is truly a coconut hanging from a tree or not. All these visual observations are making me hungry. Hungry, huh. What if he gets hungry in that island all alone? He can't exactly survive on deliveries there right? Will he live with once-a-month groceries he acquires from the mainland? Most importantly, would he feel lonely? He has to have an urge to make friends right? Or at least a company? Suddenly, the hunger in my stomach is replaced with dread. He will have not. What was the saying? And a rock feels no pain. And an island never cries. What a lonely life he would have led.

I can feel him staring at me, or my back. I can hear him closer. I am certainly not the only one sighing in relief when he put his arms around me. He knows just the right way to calm me down. Yes, there is no need to worry about it now. We'll revisit the issue, along with other important issues, later. I want to enjoy the presence of him in his house, in his real self.

I feel him stiffen before he utters a single "Ouch."

"What happened?"

"My hand."

I forgot that he was hurt a week ago. Has it only been a week? Time surely crawls.

"Let me take a look at it. Do you have a first aid kit?"

"Sure. Let me-"

I stop him before he can get his hand away from me. I have no idea why, but somehow I need reassurance. I need to reassure that it was me last week who saved him. That it was me finding him, alone, in that cold place. I don't want to think about it, yet my mind keeps on bringing it up front.

"Young-shin ah, _wae_?"

"You were so cold."

"What do you mean? Are you cold?"

He tightens his arms around me. I reciprocate in the same way by squeezing his left hand, minding his injured spot.

"When I found you last week, you were so cold. You were unconscious. I've never felt so helpless than that time. The time I spent waiting for ambulance to come…"

I tighten my hands around his left hand. Simultaneously, he loosens up his. He turns me around to face him.

"I'm sorry."

"What for?"

"For making you worry like that."

"It's not your fault."

"No, it is my fault. You shouldn't have been subjected to that."

"But if it weren't for me, you could have been there longer than you can take."

"Yes, and I am forever grateful for that."

He put his palms on my face, my eyelids flutter closed while he kissed them.

"But I wish I could close your eyes like this. I wish that you would never have encountered something like that again."

"It is your job. I am not about to ask you to stop doing it. Let me deal with my own worries in my own way." I plead, knowing full well that he is going to do whatever it takes to shield me from those things.

I refuse to think of what he will do. Of what he would have done. Not if I can help it.

"Young Shin ah, this is not something that will go away with you dancing or closing your eyes. You can't be around violence, and you will be subjected to that more often if you are with me."

"I have accepted that fact, and you should accept the fact that I'm staying. Being away from you is not an option."

Emotions warring in his eyes. Worries fear and frustration, all mixed up and laid bare in front of me. I am trying to convey my assurance to him. The man has given me so many wonderful nights in my life, for God's sake. I can handle some worries here and there. It is being without him that I can't take.

Whatever I did must have worked because the storm in his eyes has been lifted. Or at least a sheen of it, if not all. He heaves a resolute sigh and takes me to the sofa. I am about to retort that I will take the first aid kit, when he replies that it will still requires him to show the place to me anyway.

"Young shin ah, move."

He points to the left of the sofa. I shift to the far left of the sofa, assuming that he wants to take care of his wound alone. What I see next brings laughter to my face. He pouts, with a capital P. I tilt my head at him, mirroring his gesture with question in my eyes. He looks at his lap then at me, the latter is especially lathered in silent pleas. _Aigoo_ , this man child will be the death of me. I scoot my way to his lap, sitting in between his legs on the sofa. Well, I should not be complaining since I like having his arms around me.

"Give me the gauze."

"What?"

"The gauze. Let me dress your wound."

I may as well help him, since he does a poor job at doing it with one hand. I put his injured hand in front of me, supporting it with my own arm. The man does love to snuggle, doesn't he? I think while I blow on his newly dressed wound. He shoves his head in the crook of my neck, I can feel his breath hitting my shoulder. I put his bandage on and about to stretch my neck when I notice something. It is only when I see it up close like this that I realize the physical difference between us. His arms are almost one and a half times bigger than mine. I smile remembering his scaredy cat act in front of my coworkers the first time we met. Oh how different is his self turns out to be.

I can't take it any longer. No matter how affection-deprived he is, I need my head intact when I'm cooking. Preferably with my neck, too. With the rate of snuggling he's done up until now, I'm going to have a hell of soreness to deal with. I can deal with the good soreness I feel down below, but I sure as heck don't need additional soreness on the neck.

" _Aissh jinjjaa_ …"

Mph, his tongue. I can feel it touching mine slightly when I'm about to spew my answer. I like his way of ending an argument, but I am not going to back down. I can still feel his breath on my lips when I feel him looking down on me. Naughty man-child. Always getting away with what he wants. I throw him a smile and a sidelong pinch. It's not that I don't want to spend my time with him, but I have to hurry if I want to make it to the office half day. I can't afford to come later than after lunch, as I have promised my editor that I'll come at 10. Pfft, I can already imagine Chief having a fit since I come late as usual.

I feel like I need to actually wear an earmuff. Not that I can't handle the cold too much, mind you, but I need it to cover my ears from Bong Soo's tirade. Is it too much of me to let him eat alone? I want to stay with him as long as I can, but I have to be at the office in 15 minutes.

"It's cold outside."

Says the man who slept sans shirt last night.

"I don't feel cold at all."

"I told you I'll take you there with my car."

"Try leaving before eating the rice, the soup and the side dishes. You know I'm still angry right?"

At least he has a decency to look abashed.

" _Eo_ , I understand…" He motions for me to go away.

"I'm going." I resist the urge to call him good boy on his face, instead turning away to catch the bus.

It takes me some good five minutes to go the bus stop. Never mind that I practically sprint there to catch it on time. Just as usual, when I get there, I find that the bus has just reached the place. Upon entering the bus, I feel the need to sit on a lone chair. The memories of what (or who) I just left five minutes ago makes my heart aches. Aish, Young Shin ah, what are you thinking?! It's not even an hour away, and you already miss him this much? You should know what you are getting into now. You heard his warning. Alright, I can do it. I can bear to be away with him, for now. For now…But Bong Soo..-

WHAT?!

BONG SOO?! In the bus?! What is he doing?!

As he singlehandedly manhandles me from the single seat to the back row, I am thinking on how he hasn't experience my wrath yet. I specifically tell him to eat and what do I have on my hands now?

I look at him in disbelief.

"You really don't listen to what others say, huh?"

No, Bong Soo. Not even that smile will get you forgiven now.

"Just one stop."

I settle in glaring at him some more, although currently my wrath is only a fraction of what it used to be.

"Cut me some slack."

I have to endure, or he will continue to do whatever he wants.

"Just one stop?"

Oh, who am I kidding?!

" _Eo_."

"Alright, then."

I really need to work on my defense arguments.

"Promise me you'll be careful."

"Promise me you'll eat all the food."

"You want me to turn into a pig that much?"

"You'll turn to pig no matter what if you keep on eating those junk."

The next stop comes way too soon for my liking.

He makes a move to get up from his seat, but I squeeze his hand a little more, needing to feel it even if it is just a second longer. The smiles he throws my way when he gets off of the bus…It's priceless.

He stops outside my window, still sporting that megawatt smile.

"I'm going." I mouth at him through the glass, waving hand at the side.

He nods slightly, still smiling at me.

"Eat your food." I mouth again, motioning eating gestures with my hand.

He nods more than once, while giving "I will, don't worry" message through his smiling face.

The bus takes off, leaving my heart on the side of the road. I can't very well just leave him like that, can I? I wave with all my might at him through the back glass of the bus, disregarding the fact that I may look like a loon from other passengers.

A loon? Like I give two cents about that.

No, I don't. Not since he gives me more than enough.

His ear-to-ear smile, with his teeth proudly on display.

His waving hands, in contrast with his unwavering eyes.

His affection, as sincere and honest as him bidding me temporary goodbyes.

Yes, like I care about that.

 _A slice of Chae Young Shin, Healer, episode 15_


End file.
